the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
