Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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