Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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