i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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