Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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