it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
