In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
