I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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