is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i now understand why vodka
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
