She went from zero to smokin in five shots
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
