Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
