Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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