so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
