3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
