if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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