so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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