can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
