Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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