More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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