It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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