To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
