I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
