I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
