I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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