Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm really busy with my period
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