So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
