in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
