He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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