Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
