Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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