Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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