I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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