I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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