i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
