Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
