went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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