I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize