And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize