i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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