community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
