Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
