She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
