Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
