she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she told me i tasted like america
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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