I think I won the penis lottery.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
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