im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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