We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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