I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
