I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
