i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.