i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
