a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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