Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim

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(603): That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim http://tfl.nu/zg39

Replies (18) Good night (1809) Bad night (620)
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(301): View more from Maryland

we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing

(1-301): View more from Maryland

that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome

(301): View more from Maryland

we agree. completely

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(301): we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing (1-301): that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome (301): we agree. completely http://tfl.nu/eynh

Replies (31) Good night (8405) Bad night (564)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.

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(775): Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket. http://tfl.nu/kdwl

Replies (11) Good night (3608) Bad night (1204)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.

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(412): I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish. http://tfl.nu/e99m

Replies (6) Good night (896) Bad night (3469)
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(951): View more from California

Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants

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(951): Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants http://tfl.nu/uwlg

Replies (8) Good night (3319) Bad night (883)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?

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(724): Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos? http://tfl.nu/mgyg

Replies (27) Good night (3916) Bad night (999)
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(716): View more from New York

i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.

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(716): i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs. http://tfl.nu/9d6u

Replies (10) Good night (1469) Bad night (659)
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(817): View more from Texas

Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.

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(817): Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car. http://tfl.nu/zuv0

Replies (13) Good night (2512) Bad night (611)
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(480): View more from Arizona

In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.

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(480): In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me. http://tfl.nu/5anz

Replies (2) Good night (762) Bad night (1651)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup

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(715): Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup http://tfl.nu/az6p

Replies (3) Good night (1436) Bad night (653)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!

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(702): Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one! http://tfl.nu/ayyz

Replies (3) Good night (851) Bad night (321)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.

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(715): At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves. http://tfl.nu/lin3

Replies (3) Good night (354) Bad night (661)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Can't find our DD

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.

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(919): Can't find our DD (1-919): He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door. http://tfl.nu/0qwm

Replies (4) Good night (1046) Bad night (204)
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(936): View more from Texas

If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.

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(936): If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home. http://tfl.nu/6ayk

Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (241)
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(269): View more from Michigan

Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.

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(269): Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever. http://tfl.nu/iyut

Replies (2) Good night (341) Bad night (396)

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