but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.