Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome

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  (208): I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome http://tfl.nu/zb92
  Replies (30) Good night (2655) Bad night (6296) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra

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  (717): im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra http://tfl.nu/5ubo
  Replies (25) Good night (850) Bad night (3634) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..

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  (610): question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused.. http://tfl.nu/1zv2
  Replies (42) Good night (622) Bad night (4382) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying

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  (814): He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying http://tfl.nu/diyu
  Replies (28) Good night (11927) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.

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  (540): I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it. http://tfl.nu/dv65
  Replies (45) Good night (10823) Bad night (2457)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.

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  (817): he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup. http://tfl.nu/cgag
  Replies (6) Good night (2533) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.

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  (914): He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now. http://tfl.nu/ph35
  Replies (15) Good night (1083) Bad night (3107) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"

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  (315): mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!" http://tfl.nu/d3gl
  Replies (22) Good night (5010) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up

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  (402): Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up http://tfl.nu/1eo4
  Replies (5) Good night (2955) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth

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  (540): i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth http://tfl.nu/m5qw
  Replies (6) Good night (765) Bad night (1303)
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  (323): View more from California

  BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"

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  (323): BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come" http://tfl.nu/th7x
  Replies (3) Good night (975) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.

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  (519): I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work. http://tfl.nu/8fuo
  Replies (3) Good night (1011) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.

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  (647): I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me. http://tfl.nu/s96j
  Replies (3) Good night (815) Bad night (246)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night

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  (973): Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night http://tfl.nu/x2gj
  Replies (5) Good night (531) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security

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  (479): He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security http://tfl.nu/nae6
  Replies (1) Good night (327) Bad night (55) Order T-Shirt

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