Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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