You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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