Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
