i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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