I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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